Be patient with yourself
Have you ever watched a friend struggle to make a change in their lives?
They can't seem to extricate themselves from a painful job or relationship or situation, and you're left thinking, "Why don't they see what's happening and how this is hurting them?"
As it turns out, I can virtually guarantee that this friend has thought the same thing about you at one point in time. This is something that we all struggle with, a part of our shared human experience.
Why do we all go through this? Change is hard, it takes time, and it requires courage.
It's hard to accept that something isn't working—especially when it's something that you really, really wanted to work.
It takes time to come to terms with the difference between your hoped-for outcome and reality—often, the only way to do this is to go through the experience again and again and again, until you finally realize: no, this isn't working.
And once you have realized that you need to make a change, it requires courage to actually do it. You know that you need to change: you just haven't quite harnessed the courage to take the next step.
Whether you're trying to help a friend or trying to help yourself with this tendency, the strategy remains the same: ask questions and truly listen.
In your next conversation with your friend, ask them questions about their experiences. The nonjudgmental, compassionate space that you create will give them the chance to explore their true feelings.
In a quiet moment with yourself, take out a piece of paper and give yourself this prompt: "How am I really feeling about [this situation]?" Free write, without censoring yourself, until you have put everything in your mind and heart onto the page. The nonjudgmental, compassionate space that you create will give you the chance to explore your true feelings.
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