How to ask for what you need
You're a human being. Humans have needs. It's okay to need things.
I know this might be hard to believe. You might be used to denying your needs. You might have learned to pretend that you don't need anything, that you had it all together on your own. You might have been expected to give everything you needed to yourself.
Our greatest need as humans is for one another; it's through our relationships that we are able to help each other fulfill our individual and collective needs. Learning to participate in this exchange of giving and receiving is an essential part of living your New Happy life.
Today, I want to encourage you to ask for just one thing that you need today. If you're not sure how to get started, take these three steps.
Step 1: Identify what you need.
For example, do you need...
Emotional support or practical support?
Closeness or space?
Calm or celebration?
Action or rest?
Structure or freedom?
Step 2: Acknowledge your need.
Say your need out loud — to yourself, first. (That can be hard if you're used to denying your needs!) Say to yourself: I need this. I'm a human being and humans need things. It's okay to need this.
Step 3: Ask for it.
Turn towards the people in your life and let them know what you need. Here are some examples to guide you:
"I need some time to recover after work today. Would you be willing to run point on dinner and cleanup tonight so that I can rest?"
"I know you have been busy at work. It's important to me to feel connected to you. Would you set aside one night next week where we can grab dinner and hang out?"
"I need more purpose in my life and I want to spend some time volunteering. Would you be willing to watch the kids on Saturday so I can do that?"
This person might not be able to provide what you need. You might compromise, explore different ways of fulfilling the need, or find others who can help with it. The chances of receiving it are much higher when you ask directly. And the practice of asking helps you to build relationships of mutual care which, in the long run, create the greatest form of happiness there is.
The Definitive Guide to Happiness
A groundbreaking new approach based on a decade’s worth of research and brought to life with beautiful artwork, New Happy shows you the proven path to happiness.
