From reaction to response

At some point this week, you’re going to have an emotional reaction to an event in your life.

That’s okay. That’s what humans do: we feel things.

But what humans can also do, though, is learn about how to respond to these feelings in a wiser, more compassionate way, one that both helps us and helps others to experience more happiness.

It’s a simple two-step process: 1) Honor and accept your reaction; and 2) Look at your reaction from other perspectives.

We don’t need to dismiss, suppress, or deny our emotions — but they do not need to run our lives or drive our behaviors, either.

Here's how to do it.

Step One: Face and accept the response

  • Focus on your breathing for a few minutes

  • Name your feelings as they come up ("I am experiencing anger...")

  • Have a shower or bath

  • Grab an object you use to center yourself

  • Get some physical space

  • Give yourself a hug or offer yourself some other form of physical soothing

  • Acknowledge that you are in pain and that it’s hard right now

Step Two: Look at your response from other perspectives

  • Talk to a friend or support system

  • Journal about what happened

  • Go for a walk or get some movement in

  • Try to reconstruct the experience from a distanced perspective, as though someone was videotaping what happened

  • Challenge your immediate thoughts, asking “What did I miss?”

  • Identify what other factors may have contributed to your response(tired, lonely, overwhelmed) and how you might proactively address them in the future.

  • Ask yourself, “What do I need in this moment to move forward?”

From reaction to response
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