Community: What you want to unlearn
Each week, we gather our community’s wisdom. This week, we asked:
What's something you want to unlearn?
"Depending on external validation (achievement in school/work/sports, judgment of a superior/elder, comparing income) to feel like I did enough and that I am enough."
"I'm trying to shift my own thoughts into a more positive sense. I don't start things because I think that I'm not good enough, that I will fail, that I am not smart enough... I want to try and shift this into: I will try this and see, maybe it will work out and if it doesn't I will re-evaluate and learn from my mistakes. I'm trying to unlearn my fixed mindset and turning it into a growth mindset."
"That confidence is a new or foreign concept."
"That I can't control how other people see me, and that their perception doesn't change who I am."
“That making mistakes doesn’t make me a mistake.”
“Avoiding conflict all of the time.”
“Fighting with inner critic.”
“That I am lovable only when I do certain things. Not for who I am, intrinsically.”
“The fear of intimacy.”
“That being with oneself is boring or tiresome.”
“Automatic negative thinking.”
“Listen to the voices in my head.”
“Like 60% of all cognitive distortions.”
“That love is not black and white, and not to let my fears define my life.”
“Societal expectations for the role I have to play in others’ lives as well as my own.”
“Not giving myself grace and understanding.”
“That my identity is tied to my job.”
“Being anxious without a reason, thinking that something bad will happen to me or my close ones.”
“My defensive reactions when people are angry with me.”
“Thinking that whatever society does is automatically right. It’s not like that.”
“I am currently unlearning that I am unworthy, and unlearning responsibility for the shame and blame. I am learning that I am worthwhile and deserve love and care from those who are in my life, including myself. I am unlearning the mistrust, and I am unlearning the ‘freeze’ response I used to do, and learning that I have choices, that I can choose what comes in and stays in my life.”
“Not asking for hep.”
“People pleasing.”
“Being selfish.”
“Making myself small.”
“The need to be perfect.”
“That being the ‘fat best friend’ is the label I will wear forever.”
“Having to control everything.”
“That being gay is bad.”
“Being mad for too long at things I can’t control.”
“How to stop procrastinating when overwhelmed.”
“Not taking care of myself. Pushing too hard.”
“To be jealous, through practicing more self-love and working on my happiness.”
“Taking care of everyone. Have to learn boundaries now.”
“Not communicating how I feel.”
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