Weekly: All those feelings
Sometimes, the ways in which we try to protect ourselves from experiencing pain actually lead us to experience more pain.
Our protective measures have unintended consequences.
For example, you might close yourself off from others in order to avoid being rejected, but that in turn makes you feel lonely and disconnected.
Maybe you find yourself not pursuing your dreams because you're afraid you are going to fail. But, of course, not trying means that it is impossible to succeed.
Or you don't ask for help when you really need it because you don't want to be a burden, which leads you to struggling even more.
One question to ponder this week: where are your actions leading you down an unintended path?
With love,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
Old Happy: I can't face my feelings.
New Happy: I can accept my feelings.
Many of us grew up learning one of two responses to our feelings:
1. You learned to hide or suppress your difficult emotions, forcing yourself to feel (or appear to feel) positive, optimistic and happy.
2. Or, you learned to intellectualize your feelings, using your brains to avoid experiencing them.
But there is another way: we can accept our emotions and allow ourselves to fully experience them. This is a choice that can transform our well-being.
First, recognize that there are no good or bad emotions—they all have a purpose, and they all have a message for us, and they all matter.
Then, allow yourself to fully experience them. If the idea of doing so intimidates you, start small: the next time you're a bit disappointed, or a little frustrated, or a tiny bit annoyed, try not to suppress the emotion or rationalize it away. Say to yourself, "I am experiencing this feeling right now. That's okay." As you do, you might want to treat your body with gentleness, taking deep breaths or giving yourself a little hug. Try your best to stay with the emotion until it passes.
Finally, you can look at that emotion for the information contained within it. Is there something you need to do, say, or ask for? What is the most compassionate response you can find within you, to yourself and to the situation?
Tips and Tools
1. A loving relationship — This week's animation.
2. How does it make you feel? — Check in with yourself.
3. Simplest way to make a difference — Give a compliment.
4. Acceptance leads to growth — We've got it backwards.
5. Be next to them — Life's challenges need a friend.
More from TNH
Book — Preorder New Happy today and discover the real secrets of happiness.
Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less
Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.
Articles — Read more articles on our website.
Inspiration
1. Paul McCartney's long-lost Höfner bass returned after more than 50 years (CBS) — Tracked down by a group of fans!
2. My mother got on a bike. It changed her. (NYT) — "Adventure, it turns out, is in the eye of the beholder and can be had by almost all of us, despite physical restrictions, financial constraints or limited backcountry know-how."
3. Utah senior center tackles loneliness with a 60,000-piece puzzle (Washington Post) — I love this.
Before You Go
No spam, just joy.
