Weekly: Bring them up
The phrase 'bring up' is most often used to talk about parents or guardians raising children. They keep them safe, provide for their needs, support them as they work towards their goals, and help them to thrive. But, in my opinion, this is a far too limited use for such a powerful term.
For, in reality, we are always bringing each other up. With every interaction in every day, we have the opportunity to fulfill these same duties for one another: we can help one another to feel safe, fulfilled, supported, and happy.
Imagine the world that we could build if we were all committed to bringing each other up.
With love,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
Old Happy: "We're in competition."
New Happy: "We're here to help each other."
Because Old Happy culture raised us to believe that our value is based upon our performance, we have learned to see other people as our competition. You have to prove (by working harder, smarter, faster) that you are the best. The winners of this competition are the ones who are worthy of love, fulfillment, and happiness.
As a result, many people learn to employ a specific strategy: keep other people down. If you hurt others, it quiets your own insecurities and knocks them out of the field of competition, clearing your path towards what you think you want.
But it's all a lie. Keeping people down will never make you happy—it's bringing them up that does that.
The more that you focus on supporting and encouraging other people, the better you start to feel about yourself. You are proving to yourself that life is not a competition. You are remembering that you have your own incomparable, unique gifts and strengths. And with each generous action, you are helping others to see these truths, too.
Tips and Tools
1. The voices lied to you — This week's animation.
2. Soon it will make sense — Work through the mess.
3. Are you willing? — The importance of mistakes.
4. Your values point the way — Figure out what matters most.
More from TNH
Book — Preorder New Happy today and discover the real secrets of happiness.
Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less
Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.
Community
What does a good relationship look or feel like to you?
“Being able to say the most random things to them without them judging.”
“I can be myself, unreservedly.”
“Honest, fun but able to be serious, supportive, mutual.”
“Feels like freedom.”
“Both people are willing to put in effort to spend time together, even if it’s as small as a text.”
“Safe to communicate. Able to hold space for the other. Repair is a priority.”
“Calm. I’m finally experiencing healthy love from my best friends, and it’s firm and honest and kind.”
Inspiration
1. Where has Tracy Chapman been? (NYT) — Did you catch her performance at the Grammy's? I still remember the first time I heard Fast Car. I celebrate her choice to 'follow her muse, not the market.'
2. Pep talk (Maggie Smith) — I love this story, about teaching children to ignore their critical inner voices, from poet Maggie Smith.
3. He unearthed his roots. Now he digs up lost stories of enslaved people. (Washington Post) — This week's New Happy hero is John Mills, who conducts genealogy research to help tell the stories of enslaved people and commemorate their lives.
Before You Go
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