Weekly: How to find your confidence

Old Happy: I can't do it—that means I'm a failure.
New Happy: I haven't done it yet—that means I need help.

There are two levels of confidence. First, there's your overall level of confidence in yourself as a person; this is what most people are looking for or talking about. Second, there's your confidence in your ability to do specific tasks—your competence. We all want the first, but to achieve it, we have to focus on the second.

And this is where we so often get it backwards. You think that you have to be confident as a person to take on new, scary, or hard tasks, and so you don't tackle them, thinking that at some day, you will finally feel 'ready' to do them. But it is the very act of tackling those tasks that you build your competence, which in turn leads to confidence in yourself as a person.

So how do we face those new, scary or hard tasks that are a requirement for the confidence we long for?

We ask for help from the people who have already mastered them. While Old Happy culture made us believe that asking for help means you’re “giving up” or “failing,” in reality, it is the clearest sign that you are committed to persevering, improving, and growing.

Take the following four steps:

First, pause and notice any instincts to blame yourself for feeling this way.
Next, remind yourself: everyone needs help with new, scary, or hard tasks. We're here to help each other.
Then, ask yourself: who do I know who has done this task?
Finally, ask them: can you teach me how you did this?

Competence leads to confidence, and competence requires support.

Tips and Tools

1. What you believe — This week's animation.

2. How to beat procrastination — Three steps.

3. Remember who you are — You are worthy.

4. No need to compare — Connect instead.

5. Live with presence — Get off autopilot.

More from TNH

Book — Order New Happy today to find true happiness.

Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less

Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.

Articles — Read more articles on our website.

Community

What's something on your life bucket list?

"Master pincha mayurasana (yoga pose.)"

"Travelling to Bali, and staying for a few months!"

"There’s this ‘realistic’ dinosaur costume that also has a camera, makes smoke, and has several dinosaur sounds it makes. I want to buy that and run around my neighborhood and downtown and record reactions."

"To dance Bachata and Kizomba like a professional (I am learning!)"

"To hike at least part of the Appalachian Trail."

“Solo travel.”

“Fall in love.”

Read more