Weekly: How to let go
I want to share one of my favorite poems with you today: "In Blackwater Woods" by Mary Oliver.
To live in this world you must be able to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your own bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to
let it go,
to let it go
With love,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
Old Happy: "I have to hold tightly and control."
New Happy: "I can let go and trust."
You want that person to change. You want the past to have gone differently. You want the future to go your way.
One of the hardest things about being human is that at the end of the day, we don’t have a lot of control over what happens to us. This is incredibly hard on our well-being, because as human beings, we absolutely love being in control and absolutely hate having no control.
That’s why we cling onto things. We think that it gives us the control that we long for. Unfortunately, though, this clinging just needs to new pain. Think about the burden that you’ve put upon yourself by trying to control the uncontrollable. As hard as it is to acknowledge, it must be done: you can’t change that person, you can rewrite the past, you can’t control the future.
If you’re ready to let go, there’s a tool we’ve developed to help you. It’s called the 4 C’s.
Clinging: Name what you’re holding onto. You can usually identify it by asking yourself, “What am I trying to control in this moment?”
Compassion: Acknowledge any pain you’re in and extend love to yourself, saying something like, “It’s okay that I want this.”
Choose: Now that you’ve named it, you have the opportunity to decide whether you choose to let go of what you’re clinging to. Would it serve you more to hold onto it—or to let go of it?
Courage: If the answer is ‘let go,’ take one brave step towards releasing it.
You could say an affirmation: “I release what I’m holding onto.”
It could be an intention: “Today, I will let go of this.”
It could be an action: writing in a journal, talking to a friend, closing your phone, making a choice.
Or it could be an inaction: refusing to engage further with it or ceasing to fight reality.
Letting go is not something you do once. It’s something you do over and over again. Every time you let go, you free yourself a little bit more, until suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, you realize that you have truly moved forward into a new phase of your life — one of greater peace and happiness.
Tips and Tools
1. Your journey — This week's animation.
2. If you want to grow — Make mistakes.
3. Don't give up — Discouragement is not a sign to throw in the towel.
4. Your three selves — Improve your relationship with your self.
5. How to be resilient — Three reminders.
More from TNH
Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less
Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.
Articles — Read more articles on our website.
Community
What do you want to let go of?
"My past."
"Needing validation from others (my boss, my dad, my peers) to feel like I'm worthy and doing life right."
"My old self."
"The shackles of self-doubt."
"The fear of failing and fear of judgement."
"Rumination and worry about work."
"My need to control everything."
"The love of my life. The hardest thing in the world is walking away from someone when you don’t want to, but you know you need to."
"My worries about my child."
Inspiration
1. This Pay Phone is Free, But You Can't Make A Call (Washington Post) — More of this!
2. The Coral Crochet Reef Keeps Spawning (NYT) — This is such a beautiful example of using your unique gifts to serve the world.
3. The Surprise Sleepover (Today) — Made me tear up. If you can do this, please do!
Before You Go
No spam, just joy.
