Weekly: In our control
Old Happy: I can't do anything.
New Happy: I can do something.
When you're feeling overwhelmed with the challenges of your own life, there's one simple tool that can help make all the difference. It requires just a few minutes and a piece of paper.
Step 1: List out everything you’re worrying about. Don't be shy; get it out of your head and onto paper. Include everything that comes to mind, no matter how silly or strange it may feel. Think of it as cleaning out your brain.
Step 2: When you're done, take a look at your list, and put a star next to anything that’s within your control—where there is something that you can do, where you have some power, or where your actions would make a difference. Worrying about that stressful meeting with your boss next week? That gets a star.
Step 3: Then, look at everything that doesn’t have a star next to it. Consciously decide that you’re going to put those worries down for a little while. If it helps, choose when you will revisit them next: this is a science-backed strategy called "worry time," with researchers discovering that putting time on your calendar to come back to your stresses can help reduce overall anxiety.
Step 4: Go back and review just the items with a star; then, choose only one of them to focus on. What's the smallest step you can take to address it? Take it.
Over time, this practice helps us learn how to cultivate what's called agency (our ability to make change happen and our belief in ourselves to do so), the resilience to push through difficult times, and the ability to accept what can't be changed in this moment.
You can also adapt this technique to take on bigger problems, those that, at first glance, may feel impossible to solve: challenges in your community, war halfway around the world, threats like climate change in the future.
This is the secret Step 5, the one that would make a tremendous difference in the world: asking ourselves, "What action do I wish everyone would take?" and then letting that guide our next choice. For that is the only way we will solve them: each of us taking the small actions that we can, but doing it together.
Tips and Tools
1. Real love— This week's animation.
2. What if it's embarrassing? — You can handle it.
3. Bumpy at the start — Be patient with yourself.
4. You can borrow it — Don't do it alone.
5. Backwards is forwards — Ideas to consider.
More from TNH
Book — Order New Happy today to find true happiness.
Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less
Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.
Articles — Read more articles on our website.
Community
What are you worrying about right now?
"The uncertainty of the future."
"If I made the right choice moving back to my hometown after living across the country."
"College."
"Finances of the future, because I quit my job."
"If I'm going to lose my job because my neurodivergence is crushing me."
"My dad who has terminal cancer. I don't want him to suffer."
"The pressure and stress of starting grad school. And being on my own for the first time."
Before You Go
The Definitive Guide to Happiness
A groundbreaking new approach based on a decade’s worth of research and brought to life with beautiful artwork, New Happy shows you the proven path to happiness.
No spam, just joy.
