Weekly: Mad might be sad
This week, I want to share a beautiful poem with you, written by the late A.R. Ammons:
Salute
May happiness
pursue you,
catch you
often, and,
should it
lose you,
be waiting
ahead, making
a clearing
for you.
Have a beautiful weekend,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
Some psychologists argue that anger is a secondary emotion. What they mean is that it covers up another emotion — one that is more vulnerable, like sadness, fear, pain, or another form of suffering. It's a lot easier to feel mad than it is to feel sad.
Unfortunately, our mad feelings also have a big impact on the people around us. I'm sure we can all relate to times where, in feeling angry, we responded in ways that were hurtful to others: with more anger, or with resentment, or with contempt.
Looking at our anger through this lens can create a profound shift, as well as giving us a useful tool.
The next time you're feeling angry, try this:
First, give yourself a chance to pause and calm down.
If you're angry in a conflict with someone, say "I need ten minutes to calm down before I can show up in the way I want to."
If you're angry about something you read online, put your device away for ten minutes.
If you're angry about an event in your life, do something that grounds you, like taking a walk or a shower.
Then, once you have regrounded yourself, look at your anger with curiosity: "What pain is this anger covering up?"
You might discover that, underneath that anger is something a lot more tender: a wound that hasn't healed. When you see that tenderness, it's a lot easier to tap into your self-compassion and to respond to whatever made you angry in a wiser way.
More Tips and Tools
1. Open to possibilities — This week's animation: you don't know what the future holds.
2. A loving relationship — It happens one action at a time.
3. Your expectations — What to do when life doesn't go as you planned.
4. One question that can change your day — "What do I have?"
5. Can I embrace it? — Coping with life's daily frustrations.
Or listen to the podcast episodes (Apple, Spotify) from this week!
Community
How do you care for yourself when you’re angry?
"A favorite way to deal with my anger is to take a ride in the car and talk it out, strongly! My anger/disillusionment/sadness/frustration… all the emotions underlying anger. And no, I haven’t had an accident yet! If that doesn’t feel safe, I can imagine getting out in nature and talking it out or yelling it out could be helpful too."
"I used to repress it because I never liked “anger” since it felt problematic, but now I just allow myself to feel it."
"I take care of boundaries someone breached or responsibilities they neglected. Usually these are the reasons I get angry and I use this energy to fight for my rights."
"I vent in my voice memos."
"Journaling my thoughts, venting to someone I trust, listening to songs or working out."
"Go to a place like the gym where I can let it out. My self care is not bottling up my emotions!"
Inspiration
1. The French food co-op that fought Nazis with energy bars (Atlas Obscura) — This is an incredible unknown story of a community working together to help one another. Must read!
2. The eye-popping school designed by its students (Positive News) — When you let kids use their creativity, magic happens. (More pictures here!)
3. She fed over 1,600 people in need. Then vandals destroyed her garden (Today) — One of the most simultaneously heartbreaking and then heartwarming stories I've come across. Find Carly's GoFundMe here.
Before You Go
No spam, just joy.
