Weekly: Make it joyful

Old Happy: I need to force myself to be more consistent.
New Happy: I need to invite myself to find more joy.

If you browse any corner of the motivational internet, you'll probably see one message repeated over and over again: You need to be consistent to achieve your goals. But this is not, actually, the key to achieving your goals.

If you want to achieve your goals, make them joyful. Make them fun. Make them interesting. Make them fascinating. Make them engaging. Make them meaningful. If you do this, you will never have to worry about 'being consistent' ever again.

To understand why this is the case, let's dig into the research. You've probably heard of extrinsic and intrinsic motivation, which are terms that come from a 40-year-old body of research, led by Edward Deci & Richard Ryan.

Their research discovered that there's a continuum of motivation. At one end is extrinsic motivation ("I'm doing this because I'll be rewarded/punished.") At the other is intrinsic motivation ("I'm doing this because it's joyful and interesting.")

Intrinsic goals are more aligned with your authentic self and fulfill your human needs. Deci & Ryan's work has found that if you pursue intrinsic goals, you'll 1) experience greater happiness and well-being, and 2) be more likely to achieve them, because people who choose goals aligned with their interests, values, and identities are more persistent and therefore, more likely to be successful. On the other hand, people who are extrinsically motivated are more likely to abandon their goals and experience ill-being.

Consistency is best understood as a downstream metric that indicates how aligned the goal is to your authentic self, which in turn drives your happiness and success. Your current behavior — consistent or not — is a piece of data that you can use, not a target to aim at.

If you find it easy to be consistent with your goal, you're probably more intrinsically motivated. You find it enjoyable, it puts you into a state of flow, or you see it as way to express yourself or contribute to a greater purpose.

On the other hand, if you're struggling to be consistent with your goal, you're probably more extrinsically motivated. That is a sign that your goal is not aligned to your authentic self and is not fulfilling your needs. If that's the case, here's one small tool you can use to shift it. Ask yourself, how can I make pursuing this goal a more joyful experience?

Or, go further: what would it look like to throw this goal out and choose a new, joyful one instead?

Tips and Tools

1. Thoughts in your head — This week's animation.

2. How to listen — Three simple steps.

3. Be there — Showing up for others.

4. Start with one thought — How we build a loving world.

5. No right way — Grief is personal.

More from TNH

Book — Order New Happy today to find true happiness.

Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less

Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.

Articles — Read more articles on our website.

Community

How has a friend helped you recently?

"I have a social event coming up where I'll be seeing people from school I've not seen in years. I'm going through some big life events and I'm not in a great place. A good friend has offered to stick with me through the party to help with the social side and deflect anything I might not want to talk about."

"I have recently been feeling that I need a creative outlet in my life but have struggling to decide what to do. My friend gave me a simple suggestion that not only made me feel heard by her, but sparked my own creativity again!"

"Giving me advice and encouragement during my recent job search. It has meant the world to feel like I have such good people in my corner.

"Making the time to listen."

"My friend biked to my house in the rain just to give me snacks and a hug."

"My friend today encouraged me to keep going and noted my progress."

Read more