Weekly: How you meet it

A stressful moment met with judgment vs a stressful moment met with compassion

Old Happy: "I need to punish myself for feeling stressed."
New Happy: "I need to be kind to myself when I'm feeling stressed."

Imagine you're at a party, looking to make new friends.

What do you think is going to be more successful: going up to people and openly judging them, or going up to them and being kind to them?

We all know that it's the latter. It's an ironclad rule: being kind to others is always the best way to build a relationship.

Yet, for some reason, we expect that rule to be invalid for the relationship we have with ourselves. We believe that we can criticize and hurt ourselves into the self that we want to be. All this does, though, is harm our relationship with that self — because while you can walk away from a judgmental stranger at a party, you can't walk away from the judgmental self that you have to live with.

This week, I hope that you practice meeting your stress with compassion. Here's what that looks like:

Acknowledge it: Remind yourself that it's completely normal to feel stressed. It is an inevitable part of the human experience; there's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.
Accept it: Don't fight the feeling or push it away. Sit with it instead. Say to yourself: "I'm stressed, and I'm accepting that reality."
Address it: Take one small step to help you to recover from the stress (going for a walk, calling a friend) or to avoid it in the future (making a plan, asking for help.)

You can be a friend to yourself, even when you're stressed. And that friendship will make the stress a far lighter burden to carry.

Tips and Tools

1. Feelings before & after — This week's animation.

2. How to be kinder to yourself — One thought.

3. You don't have a motivation problem — You have a joy problem.

4. Feeling overwhelmed? — Try this.

5. A question to ask yourself — Use as often as needed.

More from TNH

Book — Order New Happy today to find true happiness.

Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less

Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.

Articles — Read more articles on our website.

Community

What are you stressed about right now? "My relationship."

"Needing to do my work performance review and feeling like I didn't do 'enough.'"

"Quitting my job (even though I know it's a bad fit) and finding something that better aligns with my values."

"My friendships."

"My job. I really enjoy it but the pay is so low and I feel like I need to further my career. I’m torn between choosing enjoyment or career prospects."

"I am hiring someone for the first time. This makes me nervous wearing a new hat. Many questions are keeping me up at night: what if I don’t pick the right one? What kind of boss do I want to be?"

"Which direction to go (in life and profession)."

Read more