Weekly: The normal problem
What does 'normal' mean? This is a question I have been pondering for a while, and the answers have a lot to do with your happiness.
I love words, so my investigations began with the word itself and where it came from. As it turns out, it's derived from a tool called the carpenter's square, which is used to measure right angles. Way, way back in the day (we're talking B.C. here), builders would take three wooden rulers and nail them together, creating a right-angled triangle. In Latin, this tool was called a norma. That's where normal comes from, meaning "in conformity with rule."
This mathematical rule is all well and good for architecture and engineering. But normal has gone further, insinuating itself into the rest of our lives in a way that needs a lot more interrogation.
Normal is used on people, as a way of judging some as acceptable and some not. It's based upon some false idea that there is some objective standard that we should be striving to meet, a rule about what is required of us in order to be worthy.
Normal is used in our lives as a way of justifying harmful relationships and situations. It's normal for that person to treat you in this way. It's normal that your work never lets you take breaks. It's normal to have to handle everything on your own without help.
Normal is used to brush off the external conditions that matter so much for well-being. For example, here in the United States, over half a million people go bankrupt every year because of healthcare expenses. In this country, we treat that as normal — even though citizens of many other countries would look at that as very abnormal indeed. Or it's normal that there are a handful of people who have so much and billions of people with so little. Or it's normal that companies are not held responsible for their negative impact on our planet.
Normal is an illusion made by collusion. To be maintained, we just have to unquestioningly accept everything that we have been told about what's normal. To be dismantled, we just have to start asking questions about what's normal, and whether it's working for us, and what we'd prefer instead.
This week, I want us to collectively challenge our ideas about normal and ask: where can we raise our standards for what we will accept for ourselves, our lives and our world?
Take care,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
If you are ready to leave normal behind, here's how to get started.
Step One: Decide to stop tolerating it
What are you no longer willing to tolerate as normal?
Look first at your own life; then, look at the world around you.
For example, you might decide you will no longer tolerate working late into the night.
Step Two: Determine your boundaries
You can now prepare for how you will respond when you are inevitably confronted with this old-normal situation.
In this example, that might be "I won't check my email after 6:00pm," or "If my manager asks me to work late, I will explain that I'm unavailable during those hours and propose another plan instead."
Step Three: Move towards something better
Finally, it's time to consciously define what good looks like, without the influence of normal upon you. What matters to you? What would make you happy? What would help make a happier world?
For our example, you might explore questions like: with your evenings free, what would you like to do instead? Is there a hobby you have always wanted to explore, a group of friends you yearn to spend more time with, a new routine that would help you with your well-being?
More Tips and Tools
1. Take a break — This week's animation.
2. From patience to anticipation — A powerful mindset shift.
3. How to improve your focus — Five steps to unlock your superpower.
4. Are you burnt out? — A quick assessment.
5. How to believe in yourself — Look for "I can't."
Or listen to the podcast episodes (Apple, Spotify) from this week!
Community
What are you no longer willing to tolerate?
"Disrespect, inconsistency, and lack of accountability in my relationships."
"My flatmate unleashing their hurt and anger on me in a volatile way."
"Getting hurt by someone."
"I am no longer willing to tolerate people telling me who I am."
"Unhealthy friendships."
“People telling me not to pursue what I’m interested in because it’s xyz (usually “a waste of time” or money.)
“Work related emails and text during my leave.”
Inspiration
1. This 102-year-old-woman has a bucket list — Dr. McGarey rejects normal.
2. Do you really need to walk 10,000 steps a day? Experts bust 18 health rules (Guardian) — Questioning our norms about healthy habits.
3. A man with dementia was scammed out of his life's savings — but the bank reimbursed him (ABC) — A not-normal response by a bank that chose to do the right thing instead.
Before You Go
No spam, just joy.
