Weekly: Try something new
In his extraordinary poem, Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude, the poet Ross Gay writes about squeezing every last drop of joy out of every single moment:
I want so badly to rub the sponge of gratitude
over every last thing.
Gay goes on to explain that this urgency to savor everything comes from his recognition that this moment will soon pass, that it will never come back, and that the only power he has in the face of this tremendous loss in the future is what he does right now in the moment: his job is to love "every second that goes away."
With Thanksgiving happening here in the United States this week, gratitude has been on my mind, and I've been revisiting some of my favorite studies on the topic. One of the greatest enemies of gratitude is habituation — the way that we adapt to anything good in our lives.
A brand new job goes from 'thrilling' to 'mundane,' a beautiful piece of clothing comes from 'precious' to 'that old thing,' a human being goes from 'my dream come true' to 'the person I see all of the time.' If only Gay's "sponge of gratitude" was a real thing. It would help us to scrub away our complacency and see the world fresh, as it really is, full of extraordinary reasons to be grateful.
In the absence of this sponge, we have to shake ourselves up instead. To find more joy and happiness in life, we need to remember that, no matter how easy it is to be complacent, we always have a choice as to what we do with the moments of our lives. This very second is a gift. What will you do with it?
With love,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
Old Happy: "I'm not in control of my life."
New Happy: "I am responsible for the choices I make in life."
It happens to everyone: you get stuck in your daily routines, you feel like nothing will ever change for the better, you believe that you're destined to stay right where you are. You say things to yourself, like:
“There’s nothing I can do.”
“It will always be this way.”
“There’s no path forward.”
When you feel this sense of helplessness, there is one trick that you can use to break out of it: make one different choice.
Could you...
Drive or walk a different route to work?
Make something new for breakfast?
Do a few stretches when you get out of bed?
Tell someone how much you appreciate them?
Visit that place you've always been meaning to go?
Treat yourself with kindness in a difficult moment?
Let go of an expectation?
Send an email to someone you admire?
Ask for help?
Be open and honest about how you really feel?
Call someone you have lost touch with?
Do something weird. Do something funny. Do something surprising. Do something you've never done. Do it the opposite of the way you usually would. Whatever you do, just do something different.
These choices might seem small. But they have a power well beyond their size: they prove to you, definitively, that you do have agency. You do have some control here. You are not helpless, you do not have to stay stuck, and you are in charge of you. Even the smallest of choices can open you up to wonderful new possibilities.
Tips and Tools
1. It's messy at the start — This week's animation.
2. It will get better — Keep going.
3. If you're overwhelmed — Just pause and breathe.
4. Beneath the surface — Change is happening.
5. Why gratitude matters in hard times — It's essential for resilience.
More from TNH
Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less
Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.
Articles — Read more articles on our website.
Community
What are you grateful for?
"I am grateful for being alive and healthy, having my family alive and healthy too."
"I’m thankful for meeting a very special person in my salsa class!"
"My nieces and nephews. They're darling."
"The clothes in my closet! I don't need to buy more."
"My heating pad that vibrates for my cramps."
"My family, roof over my head, pets to cuddle."
"My health, just finished treatment for breast cancer."
"People who catch you and care when you're down and out."
Inspiration
1. Post-dinner interview with a 12-year-old who sat at the Grown Ups Table for the first time (McSweeney's) — It's a big moment worthy of this level of analysis.
2. "I’m a Climate Scientist. I’m Not Screaming Into the Void Anymore."(NYT) — There's hope: "we have a once-in-human-history chance not only to prevent the worst effects but also to make the world better right now."
3. Rosalynn Carter was the best thing that ever happened to Jimmy Carter (Washington Post) — One of my heroines passed away this week, and I adore this story about how much her husband adored her. Wishing that everyone finds a love like this.
Before You Go
No spam, just joy.
