Weekly: What support does
I hope that, this week, you felt loved and had the chance to love.
Along with that, I also hope that you had the chance to feel what Anton Chekhov described so beautifully:
"Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be."
I love what he points out: that we need people to help us discover and become our true, authentic selves. It's an experience that can awaken us to who we really are.
I would argue with him, though, on two points.
First, I don't think you need to be 'in love' to experience this — merely to be loving or loved. Even a simple moment of care from a stranger can have a profound impact.
And second, it doesn't just show us who we should be, but who we can be.
With love,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
Here are a few hard truths:
There is no way you can please everyone. Some people won't get you, like you, or appreciate you. You can't be everything to everyone.
And yet none of these things have any bearing upon how wonderful, worthy, or gifted you really are. These people just aren't your people.
But your people are out there. The ones who will see you in all of your goodness, who will believe in your dreams and listen to your worries, and who will help you to become more and more of yourself.
Here are three tools you can use to help you cultivate these relationships:
1. Set an intention: "I surround myself with people who want me to be happy and fulfilled."
2. Be true to you: If something matters to you, or if you're interested in a topic, or feeling intense emotions, honor that. Part of being yourself means speaking up, sharing your feelings, or expressing yourself.
3. Watch others' responses: How do the people in your life react when you share your authentic self? Look for: curiosity, encouragement, problem-solving support, care, and validation.
(For more wisdom, check out the community responses below.)
More Tips and Tools
1. All parts of you — This week's animation teaches you how to love all parts of you.
2. Make that mistake — Go on. Try it!
3. Love takes many forms — Love is not what we've been told it is.
4. Meaning lasts — The two types of happiness.
5. A bigger inner pain — This one sentence will make you more compassionate.
Or listen to the podcast episodes (Apple, Spotify) from this week!
Community
What words, actions or behaviors make you feel supported?
"Getting those random texts or calls that are "this reminded me of you" or "was just thinking about you, how are you doing?"
"What makes me feel supported is hearing from someone who looks like they “have it together” that they go through the same thing. Sometimes comparison creeps into my subconscious and even though things may be fine, I can self sabotage trying to reach an unattainable perfection."
"Saying "thank you" through a little handwritten note, a formal letter, or just looking in my eyes and verbally thanking me will put a smile on my face and fill me with enough gratitude to send me over the moon. It literally costs nothing to do but the ROI is immeasurable."
"I always feel supported and loved when someone cooks for me. It doesn’t happen often, and maybe that’s why it’s special."
When someone listens to what I’m saying —they have eye contact with me, and they let me know they can truly hear me, whether they agree with me or not."
"My friends and family inviting me to their family dinners and holidays!"
"The compliments that always make me feel the most loved are when they are about how I make others feel better about themselves or that I am a good, supportive friend."
Inspiration
1. An amazing performance by Justina Miles (OpenCulture) — Did you see her perform alongside of Rihanna?! Incredible.
2. A group of grandmothers in Zimbabwe is changing mental healthcare (Boston Globe) — Read about their genius invention, the Friendship Bench.
3. The 25 most important tweets of all time (NYT) — What do you think?
Before You Go
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