Weekly: What you don’t see
Welcome to our new community members who joined us through the New Happy Values Wheel this week!
If you're new to our community, please hit reply to introduce yourself and let me know what you're going through. You might not know this, but our artwork is created in direct response to what you share about your challenges, your feelings, and your needs. We’re here to help you, so don't be shy!
Take care,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
Last week, one of our community members reached out and told me about a challenge she was facing:
"I have this big dream. I have been wanting to pursue it for such a long time, but the more I put it off, the more scared I become. Every day, it seems to get worse, too. I look around at other people in my life and online who have achieved this same dream (or are, at least, unlike me, working towards it) and I feel so overwhelmed by how little I know in comparison and how much further I have to go. I feel trapped and don't know how to break this cycle."
She's not alone. I know that I have felt this way in the past. Perhaps you have, too.
Today, I want to give you a powerful reframe for these moments: shift from evaluating to embracing.
When we compare ourselves in this way, we are making an evaluation. This evaluation inevitably leads to judgment and criticism, which hurts everyone involved.
First, you evaluate the other person. Perhaps you look at their journey and only see the seeming ease and the external results, without ever wondering about what they have overcome or what they have struggled with.
Then, you take this evaluation and use it — to evaluate yourself. It becomes the yardstick for your own worthiness, something you use to berate yourself: "You're behind," "You're never going to figure it out," "You're not enough."
These evaluations are completely flawed. People cannot be compared. No one starts from the same spot. No one is aiming for the same outcome. No one is taking the same path. It's like comparing an orchid to a monster truck — completely illogical.
It also does you such a profound disservice. In evaluating yourself against another, you are actively denying and rejecting all of the exceptional things that make you you — which, ironically, is exactly what you need to see in order to move forward in pursuit of your dreams.
That's why we get stuck in this rut: our evaluations blind us to our strengths and make us feel alone, right in the moment where we need to witness our strengths and feel connected to others.
Instead of evaluating, I want you to start embracing.
The next time you catch yourself jumping to conclusions about another person's journey, say to yourself: "I am evaluating. I want to embrace instead." Embrace their strengths. Embrace what they might have to teach you. Embrace their unique path. Embrace them for the unique individual that they are.
In embracing them, you will discover something that is quite remarkable: there is no longer a need to compare yourself. Without an evaluation, there's nothing to compare yourself to, so you're not behind or less worthy or less talented than they are. They are flourishing and you can flourish, too, and you can do it together. Your embrace of them will help you to embrace yourself. And it is that exact feeling of self-acceptance and self-love that will help you to take the next step forward towards your dreams, following your own path in your own wonderfully unique way.
More Tips and Tools
1. Day by day — This week's animation.
2. Worthy at every step — Your achievements don't dictate your worth.
3. What are your values? — An exercise to discern what matters most.
4. The foundation is love — The non-negotiable element of healthy relationships.
5. The power of letting go — Make space for what you deserve.
Or listen to the podcast episodes (Apple, Spotify) from this week!
Community
What's something people assume about you or your life?
"That I'm so lucky and have it so easy. But I live with an incurable invisible illness."
"That I have always been the person I am today, the good and the bad."
"That I'm a boring homebody, although I've travelled to 44 countries and live abroad for 1.5 years."
"That because I always smile I am happy all the time. I actually struggle with anxiety."
"That I must be conservative because I'm a Christian."
"That I'm lazy because I struggle with motivation."
"That I have it all figured out. I'm falling apart."
Inspiration
1. "He's stubborn as a mule" (SFGate) — This 93-year-old submitted Yosemite's Half Dome for his birthday!
2. The best astronomy photos of the year (Guardian) — Click to get your daily dose of awe: science shows it helps your health, happiness, and relationships.
3. Collectors and their collections (James Mollison) — Delightful portraits. Do you collect anything? If not, what would your dream collection be?
Before You Go
No spam, just joy.
