Weekly: What you feel
When you feel a difficult or complicated emotion, what do you do?
A. Judge yourself for it ("I shouldn't feel this way.")
B. Beat yourself up for it ("I'm a bad person for feeling this.")
C. Pretend you're not feeling it ("I'm fine, what do you mean?"
D. Accept that you're feeling it ("I am feeling this right now and that's okay.")
If you've answered A, B, or C, I've got a tool for you in this newsletter that can help you to change the way you respond to your feelings.
With love,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
Old Happy: "To cope with my feelings, I have to hide them.”
New Happy: "To work with my feelings, I have to accept them.”
If you are frequently choosing A, B, or C, you’ve probably noticed that these strategies don’t magically make your difficult feelings disappear.
Judging, berating, or hiding your feelings just mutates them into something else, something that ends up hurting ourselves and others. For, quite often, we end up taking out those emotions on other people:
We judge other people’s emotions
We feel angry at others for feeling their emotions
We silence other people’s emotions
Multiple studies have found that accepting your negative emotions is a key contributor to mental health. It is related to less stress, less worry, and less anxiety. Further research shows that, when we believe that all of our emotions are acceptable, we are more likely to choose healthier coping strategies that help us to refrain from lashing out at other people.
Here's a simple way to start accepting your feelings:
Practice observing them. I like to tilt my head downward, looking at my chest and imagining that there is a box over my heart, full of whatever emotions I am feeling. Try it: what do you see?
Practice labeling them. Use the New Happy feelings wheel to describe those emotions. This helps to calm down your instinctive reaction and shift into a more mindful response.
Practice giving yourself compassion. Say to yourself, "It's okay that I'm feeling this," or, "This is hard, and I am here for myself." Consider what this emotion might be telling you about what you need and want in your life.
Tips and Tools
1. Be kind anyway — This week’s animation.
2. The real reason you’re procrastinating — You’re not lazy.
3. How to be a better listener — The three tools.
4. Don’t let it change you — The world can make you cynical.
5. Create something great — It starts with an idea.
More from TNH
Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less
Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.
Articles — Read more articles on our website.
Community
What emotion(s) are you feeling right now?
“Feeling grief for my nan passing, but guilt because I didn’t know her well and I dont know if i'm allowed this grief.”
“The emotion I am feeling this week is heartbreak. Is that an emotion or a state of being? I don't know but it's what I am feeling.”
“Fear! I have a quote on my phone - beyond your fear is your freedom. It’s still not easy to go through it.”
“A mix of determination to try more and a fear of failure.”
“Emptiness, sadness, regret, anger all at the same time.”
“Overwhelming concern and sadness for an anticipated family member’s death.”
Inspiration
1. Fuzzy Feelings (YouTube) — Apple's short, beautiful holiday animation that will probably make you cry and remind you of what matters most.
2. The winners of the Comedy Wildlife awards (CNN) — This kangaroo is rocking his song.
3. And the word of the year is... (Smithsonian) — AUTHENTIC. What do you think about this choice?
Before You Go
No spam, just joy.
