Weekly: Who’s in charge?
Today, I want to share a poem with you by William Martin. While it offers guidance in caring for your children, I think it applies to the way we care for ourselves, too.
Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.
I hope you have some ordinary — and beautiful — moments in your weekend.
With love,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
Old Happy: "I should make choices that please others."
New Happy: "I need to choose what's right for me."
Since the 1980s, psychologist Dan McAdams has been leading a unique research program at Northwestern where he asks study participants to write out their life story, like it was a novel or a movie.
McAdams argues that we are all natural storytellers. We instinctively take the raw ingredients of our lives and turn them into this personal narrative, a process that involves selecting events, interpreting them, and drawing connections between them. Your life story has a theme, a plot, a setting, other characters — and of course, you, the protagonist!
McAdams and his collaborators have discovered that the way you tell your life story influences your happiness. And there's one factor in particular that really matters: the way you describe yourself.
Happier people describe themselves as having agency, meaning that they identify what matters most to them and they take action towards it.
On the other hand, less happy people are much more likely to describe themselves as passive, feeling like they are swept along by other people's opinions and the force of the world. Life happens to them.
You have the right, the power, and the responsibility to make the choices that are right for you.
Today, I want you to remind yourself that this is your life, and no one else's. You are in charge. What will you do with this wonderful life of yours, and what story do you want it to tell?
More Tips and Tools
1. Thoughts in your head — This week's animation.
2. It will be different — Things will improve.
3. What are you assuming? — They can't read your mind.
4. How to stop avoiding your problems — Learn a new coping style.
5. You're qualified — A tip for overcoming imposter syndrome.
Or listen to the podcast episodes (Apple, Spotify) from this week!
Community
What's an important decision you made recently?
"Making a drastic career change (at 27)."
"Leaving someone that I love."
"To leave my job to take care of my mental health."
"I was sick this week, so I missed a lot of school. I have spent a lot of time trying to catch up. I finally felt well enough to come to school, but I didn't really want to go because I felt that I was too far behind and would never catch up; but I ended up coming to school - and I'm glad I did. My friends and teachers welcomed me back with open arms and didn't judge me for not understanding a topic, they took time and helped me understand it. This taught me that I can overcome, and there are people in my life that care about me."
"Whether or not to create a firm boundary between myself and my brother. I chose to create it to protect my own peace."
Inspiration
1. The world on a leaf (Instagram) — Here's the most delightful Instagram page I've seen in a while (via Kottke.)
2. The best thing to text a friend (Cup of Jo) — This is a lovely phrase to keep in your back pocket.
3. Euclid telescope dazzles with detailed first images of our universe (NYT) — Your weekly dose of awe.
Before You Go
No spam, just joy.
