Weekly: Your criteria
This week, I want to encourage you to think about something that's so important and yet, so rarely discussed: defining your own criteria for a good life.
Other people tell us: "This is the right thing to do," or "You have to try that way first," or "You should just be happy with this."
That's their criteria — not yours.
It's so easy to forget that your criteria is in your control. If you are living for someone else's criteria, you end up creating a life that increasingly feels less and less like you.
Don't live by someone else's criteria. Define your own. Once you start living in alignment with it, so many good things will start to show up for you: clarity, joy, peace, freedom and happiness.
Have a beautiful weekend,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
One place that other people's criteria loves to take control? In relationships.
For example, our society defines a 'good' relationship as the relationship that lasts the longest, even if both parties are unhappy and unfulfilled in it!
With a bit of distance from our conditioning, we can see that this is both illogical and harmful. First of all, there's no law that says a 'good' relationship has to last forever. Second, how can anything be good when it's creating pain for everyone involved?
Here's my criteria, based upon the science of happy relationships: A good relationship is, at its core, something that helps those involved to grow, find joy, and become better people.
Sometimes, these relationships last for a long time. Sometimes, these relationships are briefer. Either way, if it meets this criteria, they're good ones.
Now, it's your turn. Think about an important relationship in your life, perhaps one you've been struggling with. Ask yourself: "In this relationship, what does good look like — for me?"
More Tips and Tools
1. Feel your feelings — This week's animation.
2. Accept that compliment — Stop rejecting compliments!
3. It's messy at the start — If you're doing something new, it's going to feel messy.
4. Use your energy here — How to stop worrying what others are thinking about you.
5. The resilience myth — You don't have to be stoic.
Or listen to the podcast episodes (Apple, Spotify) from this week!
Community
How has a relationship helped you to grow?
"It got me out of my head and gave me fresh perspectives.”
"My relationship I’m in now has shown me so much love. Genuine and unconditional love. Through this call to love and show up for each other I’ve been able to peel back so much layers — as a partner and individual."
"My last partner loved me for who I was. He gave me the space I needed to grow, expand in my career and make bold moves. Even though we are no longer together, I thank him for helping me get to where I am today in my personal and professional life. If you love something, let it go."
"I started to accept myself more and believed I didn't have to put on a mask."
"My friend is a clear communicator and boundary setter, and I'm better because she expects it of me."
Inspiration
1. You are all your work has (Letters of Note) — Take care of what you make!
2. Winners wake up early (New Yorker) — These headlines are 1) spot on descriptions of Old Happy, and 2) hysterical.
3. This surgeon makes art, too (Washington Post) — New Happy hero of the week!
Before You Go
No spam, just joy.
