Strong and flexible
Strong and flexible might seem like opposites — when it comes to relationships, they are deeply intertwined. In fact, a meta-analysis of 174 studies found that one of the most important contributors to a strong relationship is a quality called psychological flexibility.
Psychological flexibility is a set of skills that you (and your relationship partners) can learn to use when you're experiencing difficult feelings or life events. Parents who are psychologically flexible create healthier family environments; couples who are psychologically flexible are more satisfied with their relationships.
The next time that you're experiencing a difficult emotion or moment in your relationship, try using one of the following tools. Each of them will help you to build more psychological flexibility into your relationship — and make it stronger, healthier, and happier.
Be present with their pain: When another person shares that they are struggling, don't try to fix it or change their emotions. Simply sit with them and ask them to describe what's going on inside of them, seeking to learn about their experience.
Take the next best step: When you're in conflict with someone, it might feel like there's no clear path forward. This emotion in turn, makes you feel even more stuck. Work with your partner to identify one small step that you can take together. For example, if you feel disconnected, find an hour every week to spend time together. The best way to get unstuck is to take one small action.
Refocus on your values: Complete the New Happy Values Wheel with your partner or family member, and identify the values that you want to embody in your relationship. In difficult moments, return to those values and ask, "What do we need to do to honor these right now?"
The Definitive Guide to Happiness
A groundbreaking new approach based on a decade’s worth of research and brought to life with beautiful artwork, New Happy shows you the proven path to happiness.
