Seven ways to truly connect with people
We all want to be heard. It’s such an important element of well-being, a key way to see that we matter, that our feelings are important, and that the people in our lives care about us.
Even in our most important relationships, it’s all too easy to end up talking at each other instead of talking with one another. Here are a few ways we can start to truly hear and honor one another:
Create space for conversations. When you’re engaging in a connection, be present. Studies find that the mere presence of a phone can diminish the quality of a conversation.
Ask questions. And go beyond the regular ones (“How are you? How was your day?”) Challenge yourself to go deeper and broader.
Pause before answering or reacting. Give yourself time to breathe, reflect and integrate before you respond.
Leave assumptions at the door. What might happen in this conversation if you created the room to be surprised?
When someone expresses something, repeat it back to them to make sure you understood. Ask if you got it right. There’s often a lot that gets lost in the conversational process.
Keep focused on listening while they speak. It’s all too easy for us to tune out and start thinking about what we want to say when it’s our turn.
When you’re sharing, state your thoughts and feelings clearly and directly. If it helps, write out what you need to say ahead of time to get clarity on what you want to express.
Hold on to what’s important and true to you, yet be open to hearing and learning from others. Other people’s perspectives can be profoundly important and useful. None of us have all of the answers, and through our conversations we can help one another grow and flourish.
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