Tell your story
Who are you?
How do you answer this question?
My favorite way to understand identity comes from the psychologist Dan McAdams, who argues that your identity is a story — in his words, the tale “about how I came to be the person I am becoming.”
When you ask people who they are, McAdams points out, they tell stories: they talk about what they have experienced, the relationships they have been a part of, and the ways that they have changed and grown. And when you ask people about the future they hope for, they tell stories: of the things that they will do, the places they will visit, and the person that they will become.
This storytelling process begins in adolescence and continues for the rest of our lives. We are always updating and revising and reworking our stories. It is this personal story, his research shows, that gives our lives purpose and brings happiness.
Looking at our identities in this way can also be very empowering. We may not be able to change the facts of our lives, but we can change the way we look at them; we can change what the facts will look like in the present and in the future; and we can find meaning in even the very hardest of circumstances.
When you are crafting your story, you need to be very careful to discern where it is coming from.
Did someone else tell you who you were, or what you were supposed to do, or how you were supposed to be? These external narratives begin in childhood, when you’re first told that you’re smart or athletic or pretty or shy or disruptive, a label that can cling to you the rest of your life and shape your identity in multiple ways.
Other people will always have their own stories about you, but you are the one who gets to decide what is woven into your own narrative.
Ask, “Is this their story or mine?
Then, “Does this story serve my greater story?”
Your story is yours. You are the only one who gets to craft it.
The Definitive Guide to Happiness
A groundbreaking new approach based on a decade’s worth of research and brought to life with beautiful artwork, New Happy shows you the proven path to happiness.
