The weight
Here’s a surprising secret: everything you want in life — good feelings, loving relationships, a purpose, success at work — can be facilitated by one key skill: being a better listener.
Studies have found that good listening has three key behaviors: offering attention, seeking understanding, and conveying positive intention.
Here are a few easy ways you can be a more present listener.
Give the other person your attention:
Establish your capacity (“I have twenty minutes to talk right now, and then I will have to get back to work,” or “I need a bit of time to wind-down, and then we can spend time together!”)
Try to minimize distractions (put your phone down, turn off the television, choose an appropriate time for in-depth conversations.)
Be curious:
Summarize what they say (“It sounds like you’re saying…” and “What I’m hearing is…”)
Ask for clarification (“Am I getting this right?”)
Invite them to go deeper (“Could you share more about that experience?” or “What were you feeling in that moment?”)
Express care:
Extend compassion (“That must have been so painful,” or “What do you need right now?”)
Point out their strengths (“Your courage in that moment was awe-inspiring,” or “You always make me laugh.”)
Share your gratitude (“This was such a great conversation," or “I’m so thankful that you opened up to me.”)
The Definitive Guide to Happiness
A groundbreaking new approach based on a decade’s worth of research and brought to life with beautiful artwork, New Happy shows you the proven path to happiness.
