What’s good
Today, I want to encourage you to think about a topic that's so important—and yet, so rarely discussed: defining your own criteria for a good life.
Other people may tell you: "This is the right thing to do," or "You have to try that way first," or "You should just be satisfied with this." But that's their criteria—not yours. And when you end up living by someone else's standards, you end up creating a life that feels less and less like your own.
One place that other people's criteria often take control? In relationships. For example, our society tends to define a 'good' relationship as the relationship that lasts the longest, even if both parties are unhappy and unfulfilled in it!
With a bit of distance from that conditioning, we can see that this is both illogical and harmful. First of all, there's no rule that says a 'good' relationship has to last forever. Second, how can anything be good when it's creating pain for everyone involved?
Here's my suggestion (meant to inspire you to craft your own) based upon the science of happy relationships: A good relationship is, at its core, something that helps those involved to grow, find joy, and become better people.
Sometimes, these relationships last for a long time. Sometimes, these relationships are briefer. Either way, if they meet this criteria, they're good ones.
Now, it's your turn. Think about an important relationship in your life, perhaps one you've been struggling with. Ask yourself: "In this relationship, what does good look like—for me?"
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