Coping with setbacks
Have you ever had a small setback or stressor ruin your day?
You hit traffic, break something, have to do a difficult errand or task, or forget something. These events are an inevitable part of our daily life. But the way we respond to those stressors has a significant impact on our well-being.
In a recent study, researchers found that the longer that you ‘hold on’ to the negative experience of the stressor in your mind, the more likely it is that you are going to have a day where you feel more unhappiness and stress, as well as have a less happy day overall.
The solution is paradoxical: you must let yourself feel any emotions that were engendered by the stressor.
The next time one of these frustrating setbacks occurs, try this:
1. Pause and acknowledge the stressor and how you are feeling because of it. Try to label your emotions (irritation, frustration, disbelief, etc.) Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. Acknowledge the red of it all, refraining from beating yourself up for whatever happened — these small stressors are just an inevitable reality of being a human!
2. Once you’ve acknowledged it, do what you need to do to address it. Deal with the mistake, tell your family that the traffic is going to make you late, turn around to go get your child’s toy that you forgot to pack.
3. And then, consciously shift your attention to something else other than the stressor. This can help to unwind the negative affect of the stressor on your brain and body. You could stretch, put on your favorite song, say an affirmation, call a friend or start working towards something else. Immersing yourself in another experience can help you to move past it and to rediscover your equilibrium.
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