Weekly: How to let go

Old Happy: I have to hold tightly to make sure it's okay.
New Happy: I can let go and trust that it will be okay.

You want that person to change. You want the past to have gone differently. You want the future to go your way.

One of the hardest things about being human is that at the end of the day, we don’t have a lot of control over what happens to us. This is incredibly hard on our psychological well-being. And so, in response, we cling to what we have or what we imagined or what we hoped for; hoping that doing so will give us the control that we long for.

Unfortunately, though, this clinging just needs to new pain. Think about the burden that you’ve put upon yourself by trying to control the uncontrollable. As hard as it is to acknowledge, it must be done: you can’t change that person, you can rewrite the past, you can’t control the future.

But if you are ready to begin the process of letting go, there's a tool you can use called the 4 C's.

Clinging: Name what you’re holding onto. You can usually identify it by asking yourself, “What am I trying to control in this moment?”

Compassion: Acknowledge any pain you’re in and extend compassion towards yourself, saying something like, “It’s okay that I want this.”

Choose: Now that you’ve named it, you have the opportunity to decide whether you choose to let go of what you’re clinging to. Would it serve you more to hold onto it—or to let go of it?

Courage: If the answer is ‘let go,’ take one brave step towards releasing it.

You could say an affirmation: “I release what I’m holding onto.”
It could be an intention: “Today, I will let go of this.”
It could be an action: writing in a journal, talking to a friend, closing your phone, making a choice.
Or it could be an inaction: refusing to engage further with it or ceasing to fight reality.

Letting go is not something you do once. It’s something you do over and over again. And every time you let go, you free yourself a little bit more, until suddenly, out of nowhere, you realize that you have truly moved forward into a new phase of your life—one of greater peace and happiness. That life begins with the choice you make today.

Tips and Tools

1. How we heal — This week's animation.

2. How to stop ruminating — Three tools.

3. Take a step back — Breaking our patterns.

4. Stop thinking, start trying — How to achieve your goals.

5. It's always changing — Hold on.

More from TNH

Book — Order New Happy today to find true happiness.

Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less

Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.

Articles — Read more articles on our website.