Weekly: Listening generously

Studies have found that good listening has three key behaviors: offering attention, seeking understanding, and conveying positive intention.

Here are a few easy ways you can be a more present listener.

Give the other person your attention:

Before you start the conversation, establish your capacity (“I have twenty minutes to talk right now, and then I will have to get back to work,” or “I need a bit of time to wind-down, and then we can spend time together!”)
In the conversation, minimize distractions (put your phone down, turn off the television, choose an appropriate time for in-depth conversations.)

Be curious:

Summarize what they say (“It sounds like you’re saying…” and “What I’m hearing is…”)
Ask for clarification (“Am I getting this right?”)
Invite them to go deeper (“Could you share more about that experience?” or “What were you feeling in that moment?”)

Express care:

Extend compassion (“That must have been so painful,” or “What do you need right now?”)
Point out their strengths (“Your courage in that moment was awe-inspiring,” or “You always make me laugh.”)
Share your gratitude (“This was such a great conversation," or “I’m so thankful that you opened up to me.”)

Tips and Tools

1. What people see — This week's animation.