Weekly: Make the space
Old Happy: If change isn't immediate, there's something wrong with me.
New Happy: Change takes time; I'll give myself what I need.
Have you ever watched a friend struggle to make a change in their lives? They can't seem to extricate themselves from a painful job or relationship or situation, and you're left wondering, "Why don't they see what's happening and how this is hurting them?"
As it turns out, I can virtually guarantee that this friend has thought the same thing about you at one point in time. This is something that we all struggle with, a part of our shared human experience.
Change is painful, it takes time, and it requires courage.
It's hard to accept that something isn't working—especially when it's something that you really, really wanted to work.
It takes time to come to terms with the difference between your hoped-for outcome and reality—and often, the only way to do this is to go through the experience again and again and again, until you finally realize: no, this isn't working.
And once you have realized that you need to make a change, it requires courage to actually harness the courage to make those first different choices, and then the perseverance to keep making them, even in the face of tremendous obstacles.
Unfortunately, we tend to punish ourselves for these struggles, personalizing it as proof of our inherent worthiness. We tell ourselves that the change will never happen, that it's too hard, and that we're not brave enough. This, of course, makes the challenge of transformation even greater.
Instead, we have to learn to offer ourselves—and others—grace, kindness, and compassion. One of the easiest ways to do so is to simply create the space to explore and more deeply understand ourselves.
To help a friend: in your next conversation, ask them questions about their challenges. The nonjudgmental, compassionate space that you create will give them the chance to explore their true feelings.
To help yourself: take out a piece of paper and give yourself this prompt: "How am I really feeling about [this situation]?" Free write, without censoring yourself, until you have put everything in your mind and heart onto the page.
Tips and Tools
1. Be the bridge — This week's animation.
2. What we assume — You don't see the full picture.
3. How to grieve — Three questions.
4. Make your own path — You can let go of The Perfect Life.
5. Your values — How to find them.
More from TNH
Book — Order New Happy today to find true happiness.
Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less
Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.
Articles — Read more articles on our website.
Community
What's something you're changing in your life?
"Leaning on others more for support instead of trying to do it all myself."
"Getting off my phone more, being less addicted to social media."
"Less emotional eating."
"My need to control, going back to my past version instead of accepting that I deserve better."
"Facing my fears more."
Before You Go
The Definitive Guide to Happiness
A groundbreaking new approach based on a decade’s worth of research and brought to life with beautiful artwork, New Happy shows you the proven path to happiness.
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