Weekly: Meet your pain
Love: you need it, I need it, we all need it. I know you know this.
But here's the other side of the coin.
Love: you need to give it, I need to give it, we all need to give it.
I think this is so simple that we take it for granted. As much as we think about receiving love, it also behooves us to focus on giving love. For when we're at our best, we're engaged in a constant interplay of the two. What you need — I can give. What I need — you can give.
This week, we're talking about the love that's needed when you're feeling sad. I hope it helps you to be a giver or a receiver.
With love,
Stephanie Harrison, founder of The New Happy
This Week
Everyone feels sad sometimes. It’s an inevitable part of the human experience, most often elicited by a loss or a disappointment.
Sadness has an important purpose. It makes us more reflective, inviting us to process these losses. With time, sadness makes it possible to accept what has happened and adapt to it. You can’t skip sadness or ignore it.
It’s also here to tell others that you need help. Some scientists argue that the facial expressions associated with sadness are designed to elicit sympathy, telling other people: "I need help. I need care. I need love.”
When we’re not given that love, or try to skip over sadness and ignore it, it can morph into anger. For many of us, it’s much easier to feel angry than it is to come face-to-face with our fears and pains — or the loneliness of dealing with those fears and pains without the love we needed.
You can meet your sadness with your own love. In today’s community section, you’ll read many great suggestions for how to do just that.
You can ask for love from other people, too. If this is unfamiliar or new, here are a few scripts you can use:
“I feel sad. Can I have a hug?”
“Do you have a few minutes to listen to me talk about something I’m sad about?”
“I want to tell you how I’m feeling, but I don’t want advice or cheering up. I just want to be loved. Can you help me?”
"I've been hiding my sadness from you, but I've just learned that this is actually getting in the way of the help I need. I want to share it with you."
More Tips and Tools
1. One day, many feelings — This week's animation: your emotions are like the weather.
2. Turn your work into a source of joy — Five questions to help you transform what you do.
3. When you're loved — Love leads to growth.
4. Feeling overwhelmed? — You don't need to do it all.
5. One choice can change everything — Create a 'pivotal moment' this week.
Or listen to the podcast episodes (Apple, Spotify) from this week!
Community
When you're sad, how do you treat yourself with love?
"I’m learning to give myself permission to sit with it and process it: “I’m sad and that’s ok because it’s human." Then I treat myself to something easy like a tv show; and then I get back to doing, because once I’ve acknowledged it, my best bet for not dwelling on it is distraction and doing."
"I drive to my favorite coffee shop."
"Having a hot candlelit salt bath with a cheeky glass of wine!"
"Read a book in bed. Very regulating for me."
"I think about what my younger self would say to me."
"I treat myself with a sweet."
"I keep a journal where I write down all of the good things that happened to me that day. On the sad days, I look back at the journal and remind myself that I'm loved and am doing okay."
Read more
Inspiration
1. Iancu Barbărasă drew a flower a day for his partner (PRINT) — Love is an action; this is love!
2. A fisherman found a decomposing camera (Washington Post) — Spencer Greiner's small act of heroism, and his advice for the rest of us: "Look for the owner."
3. How to take action to support trans people (Trans Week) — Today is Trans Day of Visibility. Here are some ways you can show up for the trans community.
Before You Go
No spam, just joy.
