Weekly: What you really need
Old Happy: "I need more and more in order to be happy."
New Happy: "I have so much, and realizing that makes me happy."
You need more. This message runs like a river through Old Happy culture, affecting us from a very early age. We’re told that more is the secret to happiness. Research shows, however, that the pursuit of more stuff doesn’t actually make us happy.
First of all, we adapt very quickly to good things in our lives, a quality called hedonic adaptation. No matter how much you get, you tend to get used to it; once used to it, it no longer delights you in the same way. Other studies have found that people who are more materialistic—meaning they highly value possessions and money—are more likely to be lonely, struggle with their relationships, and rate themselves as less satisfied with life.
This desire for more is, in fact, usually about something else, indicating that there is a deeper need that isn't being satisfied. Chasing more leads us to miss crucial opportunities for self-discovery. We fail to ask: What am I really hungry for? Connection? Purpose? Security? Rest?
The first step is noticing what this desire for more feels like inside of you. Maybe it’s a sort of clenching in your stomach, or a racing heart that signifies your fear. It could be a sense of urgency or a pressure to prove you are enough. When you feel that emotion, pause and ask yourself, “What need am I trying to fulfill here?" Often, those needs can be fulfilled by simply pausing to notice, appreciate, and enjoy the good that is already present in our lives. You have people to love you, agency to make different choices, and interests to inspire you.
Here are a few practices you can use to gently shake yourself out of adaptation and into appreciation.
Think back to a past version of you (from 1, 2, 5, or 10 years ago.) Imagine that they could see your life now. What would they point out and marvel at? What would they find delightful, beautiful, or exciting?
Imagine a future version of you (10, 20, 30 years in the future.) What would happen if they came back to the present moment? What would they tell you to savor and enjoy?
As you go through your day, pay attention to the people you talk to (family, friends, colleagues), the items you use (your car, your coffee machine) and the activities you do (shopping, watching a movie.) After each interaction, think to yourself, "What would my life be like if I didn't have this person, item or experience in it?" Reflect on it for a moment or two.
And then, once you are in that place of appreciation, you would be well-advised to ask yourself, "Is there something else that I really need?" Being grounded in gratitude for what we have doesn't mean that we neglect any true and real gaps in our well-being—in fact, it empowers us to name those needs with clarity, to have compassion for ourselves, and then to reach out to those people who we feel so grateful for and ask, "Would you help me with this?"
Tips and Tools
1. Many feelings — This week's animation.
2. Transform your fear — Turn it into your confidence.
3. Feel them — Don’t intellectualize.
4. You don’t have to be perfect — You’re enough as you are.
5. What you deserve — A reminder.
More from TNH
Book — Order New Happy today to find true happiness.
Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less
Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.
Articles — Read more articles on our website.
Community
What do you need right now?
"Peace of mind."
"Wisdom."
"Validation."
"Strength, to never give up."
"To believe in myself."
"Courage."
Before You Go
The Definitive Guide to Happiness
A groundbreaking new approach based on a decade’s worth of research and brought to life with beautiful artwork, New Happy shows you the proven path to happiness.
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