Weekly: Unconditional kindness
Old Happy: When I mess up, I should be cruel to myself.
New Happy: Whatever happens, I can be kind to myself.
Many of us have been taught that, when we have are struggling, we should berate or shame ourselves. In fact, numerous studies have found that self-criticism makes your pain even worse: it increasing your stress levels, negatively affecting your relationship with yourself, and harming your self-esteem. It's a bit like stubbing your toe and then believing that kicking your foot against the wall will ease the pain.
In our moments of greatest struggle, what we need most is kindness. We need gentleness, generosity, patience, compassion, forgiveness, and love. We need it from others, and we need it from ourselves, too. In fact, one 2025 study has found that self-compassion offers a protective role post-traumatic experiences.
Kindness to the self looks different from moment-to-moment, depending on what you are experiencing. Below, I'm sharing a few science-backed suggestions that you can select from, like a menu; make the choice that feels right for you right now.
Say to yourself: "It's okay that I'm struggling right now."
Give yourself nourishment by drinking water and eating food that makes you feel good
Reach out to someone else and share how you're really feeling
Schedule short breaks in your work day or find other ways to prioritize rest and recover
Treat your body with care, as though it belongs to someone who you love: that could mean stretching, moving, taking a long bath...
Find a new hobby or activity that makes you feel curiosity or excitement
Give yourself permission to take one thing off your to-do list or to say no to something that you're no longer interested in
Get out into nature
Ask for help with something you've been avoiding or struggling with
Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made each night before you go to bed
Tips and Tools
1. What you deserve — This week's animation.
2. Face your fears — A trick for avoidance.
3. Our walls — The barriers that help and hurt.
4. Make that mistake — How they help us grow.
5. Next right step — When you feel lost, try this.
More from TNH
Book — Order New Happy today to find true happiness.
Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less
Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.
Articles — Read more articles on our website.
Community
What’s something you need to hear from yourself?
"Don't count your chickens. Live in the moment and take things as they come."
"I know it seems like the end of the world right now, and I know that this is a huge challenge that may have dire consequences if it doesn’t work itself out in a different direction, but with time, it’s going to work out and be okay."
"This. Feeling. Is. Temporary."
"Slow down. You're exactly where you need to be. You are doing enough."
"We are a team."
"You’re going to be fine. You made the right choice."
"Be who you want to be with! You’re in control of your own love life."
"You don’t need permission to follow your dreams and passions. They are only yours."
Before You Go
The Definitive Guide to Happiness
A groundbreaking new approach based on a decade’s worth of research and brought to life with beautiful artwork, New Happy shows you the proven path to happiness.
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