Weekly: Witness them
Old Happy: "I can't feel that way."
New Happy: “I can feel any way."
Here's a quick quiz. When you feel a difficult or complicated emotion, what do you do?
A. Judge yourself for it ("I shouldn't feel this way.") B. Beat yourself up for it ("I'm a bad person for feeling this way.") C. Pretend you're not feeling it ("I'm fine, what do you mean?") D. Accept that you're feeling it ("I am feeling this right now and that's okay.")
If you are frequently choosing A, B, or C, you’ve probably noticed that these strategies don’t magically make your difficult feelings disappear.
Judging, berating, or hiding your feelings just mutates them into a new, different form of pain, one that often ends up hurting ourselves and others. It prevents us from healing our pain and learning from it, and it can lead to us taking those emotions out on other people in the same way:
We judge other people’s emotions
We feel angry at others for feeling their emotions
We silence other people’s emotions
Multiple studies have found that accepting your negative emotions is a key contributor to mental health. It is connected to less stress, less worry, and less anxiety. Further research shows that, when we believe that all of our emotions are acceptable, we are more likely to choose healthier coping strategies that help us to refrain from lashing out at other people.
Here's a simple way to start accepting your feelings:
Practice observing them. I like to tilt my head downward, looking at my chest and imagining that there is a box over my heart, full of whatever emotions I am feeling. Try it now: what do you see?
Practice labeling them. Use the New Happy feelings wheel to describe those emotions. This helps to calm down your instinctive reaction and shift into a more mindful response.
Practice giving yourself compassion. Say to yourself, "It's okay that I'm feeling this," or, "This is hard, and I am here for myself."
Practice learning from them. What is this emotion trying to tell you about what you need and want in your life? These inner experiences have such valuable insights about our external ones.
Tips and Tools
1. What you deserve — This week's animation.
2. Learn it all — No overnight transformations.
3. Live your way — Find your values.
4. From react to respond — Rewire an instinct.
5. We don't see it all — Mind your assumptions.
More from TNH
Book — Order New Happy today to find true happiness.
Podcast — Get a daily morning pep talk — in five minutes or less
Speaking — Book us to speak to your team about well-being, resilience, and productivity.
Articles — Read more articles on our website.
Community
What’s an emotion that's hard for you to feel?
"Anger. I feel ashamed of it."
"It's hard for me to be sad."
"Shame!!!"
"Funnily enough, happiness."
"Loneliness."
"Anxiety, especially about the future."
Before You Go
The Definitive Guide to Happiness
A groundbreaking new approach based on a decade’s worth of research and brought to life with beautiful artwork, New Happy shows you the proven path to happiness.
No spam, just joy.
