How to be present in a conversation
Everyone wants a healthy, happy, loving relationship. But this can often feel like a huge goal. How do you achieve it?
The secret is to stop focusing on the big, long-term goal and instead focus on the short term — how you can show up in your very next conversation.
This might seem small, but it matters. Research indicates that the quality of our conversations predicts our happiness with our relationship.
Here are a few tips to help you with your next conversation.
Don’t tune out while they’re talking. We're all guilty — the mind wanders so easily! If you notice you're thinking about what you're going to say next or an item on your to-do list, take a breath and refocus on the other person.
Don’t deny their experiences. Denying someone's experiences can be corrosive for your connection. It includes: telling them they shouldn't feel how they're feeling, telling them something didn't happen, or telling them that their perspective doesn't matter.
Don’t tell them to focus on the positive. I don't believe that anyone, ever, needs to be told to focus on the positive. What people need is to feel heard, understood, and loved. When they feel this way, they naturally can and will find reasons for optimism and hope.
Don’t change the topic. It hurts when someone changes the topic or interrupts you: even if it is unintended, it often sends a signal that their words, feelings, or perspective are not important. On the other hand, when people are given the space to share their feelings, the signal given is, "You matter to me."
Do give your full care and attention. Because when you do... you can truly connect with the other person, leading to greater happiness for both of you.
